It's a little funny that I'm nervous enough to need a place to put my thoughts out there, you see, I didn't sign up for this race until yesterday when I realized my half marathon program suggests a 5K this weekend.
A year ago I couldn't run a mile. A year ago I was in tears over trying to run. I was embarrassed on the treadmill. I'd walk more than I ran and slink away with my shins and calves on fire after .25 miles. I'd fight for mileage on an incline, walking, so I could say I didn't give up. A year ago, if you had told me I'd be training for a half marathon I would have laughed or cried, depending on the day.
I am not that person anymore: tomorrow I'm running my first official 5K, and I'm shockingly nervous about it.
I have run 3.1 miles many times in the last year. Last Saturday I was traveling for business and I still ran 9 miles straight because that's what the program said came next. I did it despite high altitude and a schedule that was pretty unforgiving. I ran 9 miles, without stopping to walk once, because that's what came next. I figure it's the only way to the 13.1 miles I'm supposed to run on 5/19.
This week that same schedule says I'm supposed to do a real 5K. Not the 5Ks I do on the treadmill, or the times I monitor during my longer runs - a 5K. A race. A race that has a number, chip times, a course, and other people.
This whole race thing is freaking me out.
I am nervous about what to eat for dinner (Should I eat more carbs? Fewer? The same as always?). Don't even get me started on breakfast. I am nervous about what to wear (does it matter if it is 48 degrees v. 55 degrees? What if it hits 60 and I'm in a jacket? Should my socks be cushioned or flat?). I am nervous about my playlist (Is it too short? Too long? Do I REALLY know how long this race will take me, after all I've only ever done this on my own, can 3.1 miles change with other people? Are the Springsteen songs in the right place? Should they be back to back? What if I go really fast and don't get to the Springsteen songs? What if I go really slow and run out of music?). I am nervous about when to arrive (Will I have time to park? Do I want to eat in that neighborhood and walk around to warm up? What if there is an abnormal amount of traffic for a Saturday?).
I am a bundle of nerves.
I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow around 2:30 when this whole thing is behind me, but until then there are some comforting thoughts I need to focus on:
Everyone has had a first race. They survived it and everything. This just happens to be mine.
I've done the distance more times than I can count, that isn't a question.
The clothing, parking, food, playlist, and whatever thing I start worrying about when I hit publish will be fine. I'm unlikely to mess up things I have been thinking about so much.
If I mess up something I haven't thought of yet I'll adapt.
Most importantly:
A year ago, I couldn't run a mile. Today I'm worried about the intricacies of a 5K race and how to prepare for it, knowing full well I can run the whole thing and it's only a question of how long it will take me.
I've already won.
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